3/13 1:27 PM Sunday Morning, so good to me.......... Yeah right. less than 24 hours away from another work week grind. Stinks doesn't it ??? Not if you are the KING OF THE SOCIAL NETWORK AND THE BLOGOSPHERE, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
I am fortunate to have been blessed with the uncanny ability to forecast games, seasons and 5/10 year performance trends for athletic teams.Don't hate me because I am beautiful, just take what I say to the bank because I am alway right. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO again. Enough of the GREAT ONE ( ME), let's take a look at who the LOSERS are this past week in sports. WHOA NELLY.....Almost forgot...I am distressed over the unfortunate natural disaster that struck Japan this week.I hope you will join me in prayer for this Island nation. My wife and children will work through our local church to raise funds/supplies for the unfortunate victims. You may be asking yourself what you can do, as a hardworking/ businessman, to help these victims ??? ANSWER.....buy my LARDASSIO t-shirt. I will donate all proceeds , from my LARDASSIO t-shirt sales, for the next 6 months to the victims of this calamity. The price is $79.99 and ALL proceeds( save t-shirt costs) will be donated to the charity of my choice ( I will donate to an agency/ministry that devotes the highest $ % to the recipient). Don't thank me, it is just the kind of guy I am. ON TO THE LOSERS..................
1) The NFL situation - Lockout, transparency, desertification. Negotiation terms ??? NOPE , more like the terms a Las Vegas Crack addicted Hooker would use when battling the Clark County prostitution board to renew her license.I trust the use of this analogy is not lost on my super intelligent audience. The Owners are the State govt. officials who will milk ( steal) all the $ they can from the players and YOU, the public, in the name of unrequited greed . The players are no saints either. Most of them are content as long as they can pay their monthly jewelry payments. The Player reps could be the biggest rats in this fiasco. A small % of these goofs went to good schools and will one day parlay their salaries/endorsements into small fortunes. These guys could not care less about the other players.The only real LOSER in this crap fest is the fan. You know, the hard working stiff who relaxes on Sunday, stuffing his face with sausage and peppers, with the TV remote in one hand and the life call button in the other. You are the guys who are getting the shaft. I, LARDASSIO THE GREAT call on all of my great audience, to walk away from the NFL for a period of 5 years. I know it will be difficult, but you can do it. I know because I am STILL on strike from the last MLB fiasco. Trust me....it will only hurt for 3 weeks, then you will be off the NFL for good. SCREW both sides and let them wither in their own greed.
2) TOSU/Coach Tresses- This is sick, really sick. TOSU is the flagship university of a very proud State( OK, a once proud State) and now the sneaky, back room machinations of the football program and athletic department have been exposed to the light of day. The light is blinding and the rats are scurrying and I...LARDASSIO THE GREAT will now let you in on a fact that has not yet been reported...... I am betting that Tresses DID report the e-mails to someone( Not sure who yet, but I have my best people working on it now) and was told to sit on it. I don't know who he spoke to, it might have been a major booster/puppeteer, but all TOSU fans can bet their refund on season ticket purchases that Tresses did NOT act alone.He is taking the heat now, but is a company man(cheat) who has been assured that he will be taken care of for the rest of his life. I will tell you RIGHT NOW that when the investigations are finished, the trail of tears will lead to the top of the Athletic department and perhaps University administration. The financial impact of the TOSU program on the entire University system tremendous and I will guarantee you that the Administration is behind, was aware of and orchestrated the attempted cover up of ALL recent off field athletic problems at TOSU. The ship is burning, the rats are scurrying and TOSU deserves the DEATH PENALTY on this one. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
3) UGA- You gotta love Mark Richt, the guy is a winner. The real problem is that the talent pool in Georgia HS football has steadily declined for years now ( while it has steadily risen in states like South Carolina).Richt is a master at doing more with less, but the time for judgment ( LARDASSIO's judgment) is nigh. I decree that UGA will place 3rd, maybe fourth if we are lucky, in the East this year. I care for those who are below my station in life ( EVERY UGA FAN) and I want to make things easier for all. Here is my RX for you... Close your eyes, click your bare feet together three times and say to yourself repeatedly.... " UGA will not win the EAST ". Now repeat for 5 months. This action will desensitize you to the stark reality of another 3rd/ 4th place finish in the EAST. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
4) Howza bout a WINNER- Let me lighten the mood and remove the LOSER stench for a moment. I love COLLEGE BASEBALL. These guys are throwbacks to another time ( like when UGA had a decent football team.Most of you do not remember such a time, but the US government has our best scientists working on accurate carbon dating for this rare event). Anyway, these guys play on 1/2 and 1/4 scholarships and are usually good guys to hang out with. They really love the game and play with emotion. Did I mention that South Carolina won the College World Series/Nat Champ last year ??? I just did. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
5) THE ACC FOOTBALL CONFERENCE- You guys are currently engaged in a raging battle with the Big East and the MAC for the dishonor of putting the crappiest product on the field this fall. I should write a guide of the business methods employed by all ACC AD's. Just kidding, no one would buy it. Why is the ACC so BAD in football ??? The popular argument started by UNC over 80 years ago is that the academic standards are higher than those in other conferences. I call BS right now.....If these schools were churning out grads with superior intellect, then how come all of these brainiacs think that VT, MIAMUH, FSU or Wake will win a Nat Champ every year ( Wake ??? just making sure you are awake).In a not so BOLD prediction, I want to go on record stating that the ACC will not win a Nat Champ for at least 10-15 years. Miamuh...no way as everyone recruits SoFla now and your HS kids are not as good as they think they are. VT...Ha ha ha, keep dreaming. FSU...Nope. Bobby cursed you when he baled on the SEC for inclusion in the ACC. He ruined you.... although you may only lose 2-3 conference games every year, you CANNOT win the out of conference games and will NEVER win the big one again, unless of course you pull another dozen horseshoes out of your rear ends like you did against USC. UNC...well let's just say you guys aren't going to do anything positive on the gridiron for a LONG time. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
6) THE MIAMUH HEAT- I remember listening to Lebron address the Miami media after the TEAM was assembled. He said something like.... "We won't win just ONE....not TWO, not THREE, not FOUR, not FIVE, not SIX" etc.Let me tell you now buddy, you better crank it up pronto if you want to win 6 plus titles in MIAMUH. Give up the last second, game winning shots to D Wade or get your ass on the practice court. One question for Lebron...Will you go into the hall with a Cavalier or Heat jersey???
That's enough for today.......Remember to join me me on Facebook ( type LARDASSIO Johnson). Please be patient for a friend request acceptance as many of my entertainment and professional athlete friends have heard about my page and have swamped my inbox. Don't worry though, I will get around to all of you. Have a nice Sunday and remember, don't be a LOSER. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.